


The Light Beneath

by Pepper_Sanders



Category: SKAM (France), elu - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepper_Sanders/pseuds/Pepper_Sanders
Summary: Lucas is drinking too much and Eliott is worried. After a traumatic night out, the two discuss the future.





	The Light Beneath

Eliott was worried. Lucas had been drinking again. He had stopped drinking for a while or at least had slowed down, but the last few months had been rough. Lucas and his mother had made amends, but her mental health had taken a turn for the worse when she found out Lucas’s father and new wife were expecting another child. Eliott and Lucas had also moved into their own apartment, which had been exciting and wonderful, but also stressful. Then there had been Eliott’s own problems.

The last year had been great. He had been the happiest he had ever been. He and Lucas had even worked through the fallout from Eliott’s past coming to light and had become stronger for it. He had been taking his medication regularly and seeing a therapist, and then one day he felt the world slip. That was how it had felt, as if one minute he had been walking along just fine, sun shining brightly, birds singing sweetly, and then the mask of the world had shifted, just a little, but enough to show the visceral, dark underbelly beneath (the way he sometimes feared the world really was beneath the bright and fake shiny surface). He hated the feeling. That’s why he loved Lucas's more optimistic view of the world. Lucas had a beautiful mind that Eliott loved even more than he loved his body.

Eliott hated when his thoughts turned dark. He tried to keep the darkness at bay and had done well at first, but then a few weeks after that first slip, he had not been able to get out of bed. He hadn’t wanted to miss the art class he was auditing at University, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do more than go to the bathroom. Lucas had been worried; there had been no manic period preceding the depression, so at first, Eliott chalked it up to a stomach bug or cold. There had been something going around at both the University and the high school so it could have been that. A few months earlier, he probably would have hidden his fears from Lucas so as not to worry him, but they had promised each other no more secrets, so he told him how he was feeling right away. Lucas had insisted he call his parents, and the next week Eliott was seeing his physician who told him that they needed to change the dosage on his medications or try something else entirely. The doctor warned them that it would probably take time to find what worked again, which could mean a rough couple of months for all of them.

The whole ordeal brought back memories from Eliott’s childhood. Memories of his mother frantically trying to figure out why he was acting out so much in school. He had been diagnosed with everything from autism to borderline personality disorder. His mother had been terrified because her sister had suffered from mental health issues, eventually committing suicide. His parents had protected and supported him the best they could, but it had taken years to find the right diagnosis and then a lot of trial and error to find the right medication and dosage that worked for him. Dosages had changed over time, but for the last few years, if he took the medication like he was supposed to, he was able to manage.

And so, as it happened, right when he and Lucas should have been enjoying their new life together in their own place, Eliott’s mood swings started to drive a wedge between them. At first, Lucas had been very supportive and attentive, but Eliott had started to isolate himself and push Lucas away. He hated Lucas seeing him out of control and not himself, and he hated hurting Lucas in any way. Lucas didn’t complain, but he started to stay out longer with friends and eventually started drinking and smoking weed more.

There had been one particularly nasty fight, and Eliott had left their place to stay at his parents’ apartment. His parents had been away for the weekend, so he thought it would be a good place for him to decompress and resettle his mind. Lucas had messaged and called him the whole night, but Eliott hadn’t been ready to talk to him, yet. They had both said some pretty hurtful things, and he didn’t want to say anything that he couldn’t walk back, so he had shut the phone off, crawled into bed, and fallen into a deep sleep.

The next morning, Eliott had woken early feeling somewhat refreshed. He knew he needed to talk to Lucas immediately and apologize. He stepped out of the apartment to find a sleeping, disheveled Lucas on his parents’ doorstep. Lucas must have tried to ring the bell the night before, but Eliott had not heard anything. Eliott knelt and could smell the alcohol wafting off Lucas in waves. A purplish bruise marred the right side of his face where he had lain against the brick entryway. Eliott frowned and felt his heart sink. This was exactly what he had feared. He did not want to destroy this boy that he loved so much, but he wanted so badly to make it work, to be better for him. He knew they had to figure it out.

Lucas had opened his red-rimmed eyes and lifted his head for a kiss, which Eliott had not hesitated to give him. Eliott carried him back up to the apartment to let him sleep off the binger. The next morning, he had made a simple breakfast of fruit, store-bought pastries and coffee, but Lucas barely touched a thing.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” Lucas said.

“Minute by minute,” Eliott assured him. Usually, Lucas would smile when Eliott said their secret promise, but this time Lucas just looked away towards the window above the kitchen dinette table. There had been a quick, small frown at the corner of his mouth before he looked at Eliott again.

“Are you coming home?” Lucas asked tentatively as though he was afraid of the answer.

Eliott reached across the table and grabbed Lucas’s hands in his own. “Of course, I am. I just needed a little space. I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls last night.” Eliott paused, considering his next words carefully. “I just didn’t want either of us to say something we would regret.”

Lucas looked relieved but exhausted. “Ok,” he sighed, before taking a small sip of his coffee and looking out the window again.

*****

The next week Eliott started feeling more stable, and Lucas seemed in a better mood, so Lucas, Eliott, Manon, Mika, and Lisa decided to try Slithers, a new club in the Champs-Elysees district. The club catered to an eclectic crowd, and you could find preppy college kids, American tourists, and drag queens all dancing the night and morning away to the music of renowned guest DJs from around the world. It was a hard place to get into, but Mika knew one of the investors (not too many details were given about how), and they had been able to get in without any issue. The owners were trying to bring back the decadence of America’s Studio 54 during its heyday, and Eliott thought he recognized a few celebrities in the crowd. But he wasn’t there to fanboy; he was hoping a good time with friends would cheer Lucas up. When they entered the club, he started to worry that going to a bar where the alcohol flowed freely had been a bad idea.

Lucas had been in a good mood and at first, they had all danced together, but then Eliott had become tired. Although the new medication had stabilized his mood, he noticed that he became more easily exhausted. His physician had assured him it would be temporary, and Eliott hoped it wouldn’t mean more tinkering with the dosages. He kissed Lucas, who was still having a great time dancing, and promised him he wouldn’t be too far away. Lucas had wanted to join him, but Eliott insisted he stay on the dance floor with his friends who he didn’t get to see as often now that he no longer shared a flat with them.

Eliott found a section of overstuffed leather couches in a dark corner by the bar. At first, he watched Lucas as other partiers joined their little group. Lucas looked radiant, and guys and girls danced and hugged on him as the music pounded through the club energizing everyone inside. He had noticed Lucas had already had a few drinks too many, some bought by his admirers, but decided he would just keep an eye on him and would step in if needed. A leggy blonde slinked over near Eliott and tried to talk to him, but she quickly moved on when she realized Eliott was only responding in two-word sentences. Her interruption, however, made him lose sight of Lucas, and he stood up to get a better view of the area. He turned around to check the other side of the club and bumped into Manon.

“We need to get out of here,” she yelled over the music. “Someone is spiking the drinks.” She looked distraught and Eliott remembered what had happened to her the year before. He hugged her and felt her body tremble and then settle down.

“Ok, we’ll get out of here,” he said. “We just need to find Lucas.”

Mika and Lisa walked up still in a joyous, boisterous mood, but they quickly sobered when they saw Eliott’s and Manon’s worried faces.

“We need to find Lucas,” Eliott said, this time more frantically. Manon told Mika and Lisa about the spiked drinks.

They all quickly scanned the club. “Is that him over there?” Mika asked, perplexed, as he pointed to a shadowed area near the back of the club.

Eliott looked in the direction that Mika was pointing and saw a tall, dark-haired guy leaned over a shorter guy who looked a lot like his Lucas. The guy was kissing him, and it looked like Lucas was kissing him back. The leggy blonde who had been talking to Eliott earlier danced around them and rubbed Lucas’s back, seemingly propping him up.

“What the fuck?” Eliott yelled as he raced towards the far end of the club where they were dancing. A large crowd of people in a Conga line intercepted their path. When the crowd cleared, Lucas and the couple had disappeared. “We have to find him, now!” Eliott exclaimed. His stomach hurt, and he wanted to throw up and punch someone all at the same time. “I’m going to check the restrooms,” he said, as he raced away, the others followed, struggling to push through the crowded club and keep up with his long strides.

When he rushed into the restroom, he saw the guy pressing Lucas against the wall. He had his hands down the front of his pants, and Lucas was half undressed. He was responding to the guy’s kisses and touches, but his eyes looked glassy and dazed.

“Hey, go find your own party,” the guy started, but then Eliott landed a punch so hard that the guy fell heavily on the sink nearly cracking the basin and mirror. Eliott was so filled with blind rage that he barely noticed Manon as she stepped in between him and the guy. He stopped short, and the guy took advantage of the pause to rush toward the door, nursing a bloody nose. “It’s not my fault your boyfriend is a little slut!” he yelled back at them. “He wanted it bad.”

Both Manon and Eliott lunged toward the guy, but he scurried out of the restroom and was quickly lost in the crowd. Mika and Lisa entered just as Eliott rushed back towards Lucas who was slumped against the wall.

“What…. what…happened?” Lucas slurred. Eliott didn’t know what to do. He felt like the rage was turning into something dark and twisted and he was scared…scared shitless of losing this beautiful boy slumped in front of him.

“We have to get him home,” Mika said, as he grabbed a handful of wet paper towels and pressed them against Lucas’s now feverish head.

“No, no, it’s no telling what was in those drinks,” Eliott stammered. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair and tried to calm down. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff and willed himself to slow his breath. “We have to get him to the emergency room,” Eliott finally got out. His head cleared a little more as he pushed down the rage and fear threatening to engulf him. He needed to focus and make sure Lucas was safe. “Lisa, Mika, go tell one of the bouncers what’s going on, so no one else gets hurt and then meet us at Clinique’s emergency room.”

******

Eliott and Lucas made it home later the next day. Lucas’s drinks had been tampered with, and the doctors had been able to give him medical care in time. One of the doctors told them it was lucky they had brought him in when they did because he had been given so much of one of the drugs that his respiratory system had been severely compromised. The hospital had kept him overnight for observation and given him an IV of fluids and medications.

When they made it to their apartment, they had both fallen asleep, wrapped tightly around each other. Later that night, Eliott woke to Lucas’s groans for water and pain meds. He got up to get him a glass of water and aspirin and watched him closely as they both sat up against the headboard to talk.

“You have to stop drinking so much, ok?” Eliott finally said. “That fucking asshole could have done so much worse.”

“My drink was spiked. It wasn’t my fault,” Lucas said defensively, and then he paused as silent tears fell from his eyes.

“I know, I didn’t mean to imply it was your fault what he did, but you know you’ve been drinking too much lately,” Eliott said.

Lucas looked at Eliott and then down into his glass of water. “I just didn’t want to feel so much anymore. My head has been in a bad space. When you left and wouldn’t answer my calls, I thought I had lost you for good.” Eliott reached over and took the glass away, putting it on the side table. He held Lucas’s hand as Lucas sighed and then slowly continued. “It was such a bad fight; we said such ugly things. This year has been so great, sometimes it’s like a dream that’s too good to be true, and I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess I forced it to drop.”

“I said some pretty hurtful things, too…and it’s been tough trying to get used to the new medication, but we said minute by minute, right?” Eliott asked.

Lucas turned to look at him. “Just fuck minute by minute,” he said angrily. “I don’t even know what that means anymore. It meant something else when I said it the first time. I thought it meant that we would get through our issues together taking it day by day, enjoying and living in the moment, not trying to guess what the future would hold.” He paused again, considering his words carefully. “Now it feels like I could lose you in any minute. That this minute may be the minute where it all implodes. I thought I was ok with that, just living in the moment, but I want so much more than that. When you asked me to move in with you, I thought things had changed. But then you left, and you shut me out completely.”

Eliott moved closer to Lucas and placed his leg over the smaller boy’s leg. “I never want this to end,” he said. “That’s why I had to leave. I was scared I would say or do something that would make you want to leave me.” He turned Lucas’s face toward his. “Can you trust that if I ever have to walk away from a fight or isolate myself because I’m feeling down, that I will always come back to you?”

Lucas smiled through his tears. “Yes,” he nodded. “And can you trust there is nothing you could ever do or say that would make me give up on us?”

Eliott smiled and pulled Lucas’s body down into the bed, wrapping his full body around him. “Yes,” he promised. He pulled Lucas’s face to his own and kissed him deeply until both had to break apart to catch a breath. Lucas pulled Eliott’s bruised hand towards his mouth and kissed it softly. Eliott smiled. “Ok, then, how about no more minute by minute. How about forever?” Eliott asked.

Lucas looked at him perplexed, “Is that a proposal?”

“Well, my grandparents were married at 16, and are still married…but maybe we have our own little secret engagement, and when we’re ready, and not doing it just because we’re scared of losing each other, I propose to you the right way,” Eliott whispered. He melted when he saw the way Lucas’s eyes glazed over, not from alcohol or weed, but just from the love they shared together. Lucas pressed his body more firmly against Eliott’s, and it took all his strength to not undress him right there and make love to him all day and night, but Lucas still looked tired, and Eliott wanted him to rest. “And we can both go see a therapist…maybe together?” Eliott suggested.

“Couples counseling?” Lucas laughed. “Ah, Putain, we really are going to be like some old, boring married couple now.”

“Would that be so bad?” Eliott asked, happier now that Lucas was smiling again. He looked so beautiful when he smiled. Eliott could lose himself in Lucas’s wide smile and bright, blue eyes for an eternity.

Lucas smiled even wider, “No, not at all.”

Eliott kissed him softly and deeply. He pulled him close and pushed his face into Lucas’s thick, unruly hair. He couldn’t figure out why Lucas didn't understand how it would be impossible for Eliott to be away from him for too long. Even when he was stuck in his darkest, deepest thoughts, Lucas was the light that guided him home. Eliott promised himself then and there that he would take care of this lovely soul forever. He now knew the light of their love was the real truth of the world, and that he wanted to live in that truth forever.


End file.
